August 2, 1952
The Carved Cow
44 1/2 St. George St.
St. Augustine, Florida
I have waited over twelve days since I left the Hospital to write
Avoiding emotion - Just current facts.
Whatever went before I am probably more responsible than anyone
According the facts. I have been a very ill man since '44 or so.
I am NOT an alcoholic.
Drinking has been escape from pain and misunderstanding. I have
not had a drink of hard
liquor for over six months. It hasn't made a great deal of
difference. I'm still in pain
and I'm still very lonely for you.
There is one great love for a man and one for a woman.
Sublimated by mating and children
it becomes perfection.
"...in sickness, in sorrow or in health 'til Death do us part..."
I've seen the Lord in the past few months and when I came back I
asked the Doctors, "Why
couldn't you let me go? I'm tired." They had no answer except
the pride of the profession
but the old priest, who had given me the last rites said, "There
must be something you
have yet to do."
I think I know what it is and in my own stupid way I'd like to do
Jean, I have a year, maybe two or three ahead of me. You are my
Lady and the mother of my
By remarriage you will be entitled to pension, insurance et al.
I ask nothing. Companionship if you feel in the mood - the
chance to see and be with my
kids and my girl to hold my hand when the boom comes down.
I will keep a separate room and I will not impose upon you.
Would honestly like to go back to Manasquan and see how our roses
are doing. There are
good schools there and TE could commute to Xavier if you and he
I have enough retirement pay to get along. We won't be wealthy
but we won't miss too much
I'm a soldier, I cannot practice my profession any longer. YOU
made me a sargeant; YOU
made me a Lieutenant, YOU made me a Captain, but By Allah, I made
myself a Major.
Since my retirement I became one of the best leather carvers.
Now, since my illness my hands are not too good. Not good enough
for the things I wanted
to do. So, where am I? A lost patrol with nothing. I asked for
it and I got it, I
suppose, but it doesn't make it any easier.
The days have been tough for you. My sorrow does not replace.
But, please, in your
kindliness, remember I was not a responsible man. Serious
illness can play some strange
Yours will be the last name I speak. I love you.